You Want to Find Them
Maybe you’ve always wondered. Maybe it just hit you. Maybe you’re pregnant and need medical history. Maybe you’re staring at your kid and realize you don’t know where they got those eyes.
You want to find your birth parents.
And you have questions: Will they want to meet me? Am I betraying my adoptive parents? Where do I even start? What if I find something terrible?
I’m a Houston private investigator who helps adult adoptees find birth families. I’ve reunited hundreds of people with biological parents and siblings.
Here’s what adult adoptees need to know about finding birth family—the real talk, not the fairy tale version.
First Things First: This Doesn’t Make You Ungrateful
What adult adoptees need to know right away: wanting to find your birth family doesn’t mean you don’t love the parents who raised you.
Searching isn’t about replacing anyone. It’s about understanding where you came from.
Common reasons adult adoptees search:
- Medical history (you need to know genetic health risks)
- Identity questions (who do you look like?)
- Curiosity (simple human need to know your origins)
- Half-siblings you’ve never met
- Life transitions (pregnancy, marriage, losing adoptive parents)
According to the American Adoption Congress, most adult adoptees eventually search. This is normal. This is healthy.
Talk to Your Adoptive Parents (If You Can)
One of the most important things adult adoptees need to know: if your adoptive parents are alive and you have a decent relationship, tell them you’re searching.
Why it matters:
They might have information they’ve been waiting to share. They might feel hurt if you search in secret. Most understand, even if it stings initially.
How to say it:
“Mom, Dad, I want to search for my birth family. This isn’t about replacing you—you’re my parents, always. But I have questions about where I came from. Can we talk about this?”
Give them time to process. Most come around.
Prepare for Any Outcome
What adult adoptees need to know: searches don’t always end in tearful reunions.
Possible outcomes:
Joyful reunion: They’re thrilled. Everyone cries. Relationships develop.
Polite but distant: They’ll answer questions but don’t want ongoing relationship.
Rejection: They don’t want contact. It happens. It’s painful.
They’re deceased: You get some answers but not the reunion you wanted.
Concerning information: Addiction, abuse, criminal history. Truth isn’t always pretty.
Siblings welcome you, parents don’t: Sometimes you gain siblings even when parents refuse contact.
Hope for the best. Brace for anything.
Consider therapy during this process. What adult adoptees need to know: this is emotionally intense even when it goes well.
Where to Start Your Search
Gather What You Have
What adult adoptees need to know about starting: collect every piece of information about your adoption.
Look for:
- Birth certificates (original or amended)
- Adoption decree
- Court records
- Agency records
- Baby book or paperwork your parents kept
- Hospital or city where you were born
- Any names mentioned (even first names)
Even tiny details help.
DNA Testing Changes Everything
What adult adoptees need to know: DNA testing has revolutionized adoption searches.
Best DNA tests for adult adoptees:
- Ancestry.com (largest database, best for finding relatives)
- 23andMe (health info plus relatives)
- MyHeritage (good international database)
Test with multiple companies. Upload raw DNA between sites. More databases = more chances of matches.
DNA can:
- Connect you to biological relatives who’ve tested
- Identify close relatives (parents, siblings, cousins)
- Work even without any adoption information
I’ve seen DNA testing find birth parents in cases where people had zero information. It’s powerful.
Check State Laws
What adult adoptees need to know: every state has different laws about accessing adoption records.
Some states let adult adoptees access original birth certificates. Others keep everything sealed.
Check your birth state’s laws at the Child Welfare Information Gateway.
Use Registries and Social Media
What adult adoptees need to know about free resources:
Register with:
- International Soundex Reunion Registry
- Adoption.com reunion registry
- State-specific registries
Search on social media:
- Facebook groups for your birth city/state
- Adoption reunion groups
- Search Angels (volunteers who help adult adoptees)
- Birth date searches
Social media has helped thousands of adult adoptees find birth family.
When to Hire a Private Investigator
What adult adoptees need to know about professional help:
Consider hiring an investigator when:
- You’ve hit dead ends with DIY searching
- You have limited information
- Adoption records are sealed
- Time matters (birth parent aging or ill)
- Search is complicated (international adoption, closed records)
What We Do for Adult Adoptees
What adult adoptees need to know about professional searches:
We access databases you can’t:
- Public records, court records, historical records
- Professional databases
- Property and financial records
We conduct field investigation:
- Interview potential relatives
- Verify identities
- Locate current addresses
- Confirm family connections
We interpret DNA:
- Build family trees from DNA matches
- Identify biological relatives through genetic genealogy
We provide intermediary services:
- Make initial contact on your behalf
- Gauge receptiveness before revealing your identity
- Facilitate reunion if both parties want it
Check out our people locator services for how we help adult adoptees find birth family.
Making First Contact
Should You Use an Intermediary?
What adult adoptees need to know about first contact: consider using an intermediary.
Why intermediaries help:
- Softens the shock
- Explains situation sensitively
- Gauges receptiveness first
- Provides professional buffer
- Reduces risk of messy first contact
We offer intermediary services for adult adoptees who want professional initial contact.
The Emotional Reality
What adult adoptees need to know: this brings up every emotion imaginable.
You might feel:
- Excited and terrified simultaneously
- Guilty about searching
- Angry at birth parents for placing you
- Grateful for adoption
- Torn between families
- Confused about identity
- Relieved or disappointed
All normal. Sometimes all in the same day.
Your Adoptive Parents’ Feelings
What adult adoptees need to know: they might struggle even if they support you.
They might feel:
- Threatened you’re replacing them
- Hurt they weren’t “enough”
- Supportive but scared
- Protective of you from hurt
Reassure them often. You’re not going anywhere.
Building New Relationships
What adult adoptees need to know about reunion relationships:
Go slow:
- Exchange messages first
- Progress to phone calls
- Meet when both ready
- Let it develop naturally
- Don’t force instant intimacy
Set boundaries:
- You can want medical history without ongoing relationship
- You can connect with some family but not others
- You’re not obligated to maintain contact if it’s unhealthy
According to the Donaldson Adoption Institute, successful reunions require clear communication and respect for boundaries.
What If You Find Difficult Information?
What adult adoptees need to know: sometimes the truth is complicated.
Difficult circumstances of conception:
- Very young birth mother
- Assault
- Abusive relationship
None of this reflects on you. You are not defined by conception circumstances.
Birth parents with problems:
- Addiction
- Criminal history
- Mental illness
- Continued dysfunction
What adult adoptees need to know: You can acknowledge biological connection without having relationship. You choose what role they play in your life.
You Deserve Answers
Wanting to know where you came from is natural and healthy.
What adult adoptees need to know: you deserve answers. You deserve medical history. You deserve to understand your origins.
Whether you find joyful reunion, complicated truth, or painful rejection—you deserve to know.
The wondering is often worse than the truth.
We Can Help
If you’re an adult adoptee searching for birth family, we can help.
At Terrance Private Investigator & Associates, we specialize in helping adult adoptees find biological family throughout Austin , Dallas , Houston and Texas and nationwide.
We understand what adult adoptees need to know about search strategies. We’ve reunited hundreds of families. We handle every case with sensitivity.
We work with limited information. We access records you can’t reach. We interpret DNA. We make initial contact if you want intermediary services.
Let us help you find answers.
Call Now: 832-404-3400
Email: getanswers@piterrance.com
Visit: www.piterrance.com
Confidential searches. Compassionate service. We understand what you’re going through.
